Stupid people. Gawd! They are everywhere… And they seem to infiltrate our lives at the most inopportune moments….usually when we’re already pissed off at yet another moron for wasting 7 minutes of our lives that we can’t get back. Ironically, it also seems to coincide with dropping our last cigarette in a puddle and our patience level further diminishes… but that’s beside the point.{{{*}}}
We all know this type… Guys who break up with you on text and wonder why you can’t still be friends; guys who think buying you a $15 martini makes them big shots worthy of a blowjob in return; guys who wear gold chains and drive Irocs even though it’s 2011 for chrissake and not 1986; and stupid people who still wear those gawd awful shoes called Crocs…. usually they are in that hideous lime green you can’t help but notice as they are slowly schlepping in front of you on the subway when you are already running late for work. What the fuck are those anyway?? And you wonder why we wanna slap ya?!
What is wrong with these people?! We have learned 2 things: you can’t fix stupid and there’s not enough vodka in this world, now or EVER, to help us cope!! So, what do we do? Wind up and slap ‘em!! …….Hard!!
Last Monday, as we were waiting for the last person to arrive for our weekly editorial meeting, she suddenly burst in into the conference room looking completely disheveled and pissed off at the world. She was on a red-eye back from New York and had just spent the last 2 hours at the airport arguing with the baggage guy that had lost her luggage. Apparently the guy at the airline counter didn’t know that when she said Vancouver as the destination, she meant Canada, not Washington! So now her new Louis Vuittons are lost in a town where the best restaurant is a bloody Applebee’s! And he wondered why she wanted to slap him!! (Well if he wasn’t so goddamn stupid he wouldn’t have had to wonder).
After she vented, poured a scotch and sat down, we all realized that we were on the cusp of discovering something great…. a forum in which we could create an outlet for others to vent about the stupidity in their lives. So myself, Smoky Parker, and my partner in crime (in shopping, martinis et al), Kitty Earles, have decided to write a weekly column on how these stupid people waste our precious time and why we jus’ wanna slap ‘em!! Stay tuned for our future rants/anecdotes (most of which will be vodka and whiskey enhanced)…. and we invite you to share your vents with us at <a href=”mailto:rskb@me.com”>rskb@me.com</a>
